We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
