i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize