the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
