I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
