you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
