can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
