she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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