Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
