girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
