just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
