Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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