Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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