Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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