WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
