suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
