so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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