Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
