Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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