Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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