take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
