But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
