so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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