"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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