Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
