When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
