I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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