If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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