I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
