it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
