Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
