Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
