3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
