so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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