Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
