He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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