I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
