Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
