He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
