I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
