Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
