is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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