all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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