And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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