I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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