i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
