All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
