why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
