The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
