My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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