Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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