I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
