Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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