why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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