It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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