i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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