ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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