i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
