Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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