Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize