i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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