Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
