I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
