ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
