I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize