i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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