I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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