Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
