My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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