Say something about gay babies.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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