When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize