I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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