Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
