This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
