I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
